Tale of the Infamous Harem at an end?

I haven't exactly been a frequent contributor to this on-going story of Arislan, so it feels a bit wrong to just suddenly come in here out of the blue and announce that it's all over, but that's exactly what I'm going to do.

It has felt like forever since I picked up this game on a lark and became hopelessly hooked to the online experience... just trying to imagine all the countless hours I've spent taking little Arislan from lvl. 1 to the horrible multi-jobbed monstrosity that he has become makes me feel a bit nauseous.

Sometimes I feel like I've wasted a lot of time on this game. Performing repetitive task after repetitive task. Meeting nice people just to have them keep disappearing into the ether time and time again. Always thinking in terms of how to keep Valor afloat, day in and day out, logging in just so there would be at least a warm body in there. Exhausting.

But when I pause and think about how the past 4-years on FFXI could be considered less as time playing a game and more as time engaging in a massive social experiment, I feel like maybe I even learned a thing or two about systems and organization, more about the mysterious tendencies of my fellow man, and a bit more about myself. I've learned to lead, and through that I've learned how best to follow. I've also confirmed my sneaking suspicions that most people just don't give a damn, but that made me further appreciate the few who did. I've learned patience and persistence. I've learned to be kind when I felt like being unkind, and learned to smile when it was best for those around me but not for myself. I'll take those things with me long after I'm gone.

FFXI found me as I was most vulnerable: fresh out of school, having moved to an unfamiliar city, in a new apartment, my buddies all far away, and my girlfriend gone all day while I was working from home... the people I met on FF became my 'co-workers', people I chatted up while killing time between projects or avoiding work altogether. In a free-form profession with no binding schedule, the stuff on FFXI like event days and limbuses were a way to orient myself throughout the week. FF gave me some structure.

I felt like I played this game much differently than most others. I mostly stayed out of the race for items and equipment, opting to carve a little niche for myself and the friends I met along the way. Maybe we shared some common human values. Maybe we really didn't. Maybe we were all just unmotivated. Whatever we had in common, I tried to foster that and build a community from it. There was a time when I had imagined that Valor would be my lasting legacy to FFXI, leaving the online game world better than I had first found it. However successful Valor ultimately was at achieving that, I will never know. At the very least, I know I gave it my best for my friends.

I'm not surprised that I have been logging on months after I had already felt that playing the game had become exceedingly meaningless ('no passion' as Les would say...) and after most of my friends had already quit long ago... I've invested so much thought, effort and passion into this game and Valor, and now I can hardly log on anymore without being overwhelmed by the empty feeling born from seeing everything we've built together fall into disuse, and the places occupied by those I we loved unceremoniously deserted.

It's become a bit self-destructive and meaningless for me to continue to be a part of this game. I have nothing left to offer to anyone here anymore, and that feeling is more than a clear enough signal to me that it is my time to leave this game behind.

Thank you to all the people that I have met along the way, I hope I have enriched your lives as much as you have enriched mine. Very special thanks and much love to Lestath, Knivezz, Tilanna and Nightxade in particular... true friends, I will remember your kindness and integrity always.


{See you again.}

Arislan